the daily the killer crayons, 9-14-21

Proverbs 16:18

First pride, then the crash—
the bigger the ego, the harder the fall.

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How The Purging Lutheran feels this morning. Just waking up. I’ll feel like a butterfly, light and fluffy, after a few cups of coughy.

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What’s the issue with Paul Jacobs? Nasty boy!

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I bought these ‘water away’ drains to battle climate change. Rain thinks it can alter the strength of my condominium’s foundation at the southwest corner of my car hole. Now I re-direct the excess water toward my neighbor’s condo. Sorry, Gino. Please, nobody warn him. Let it be a surprise in 3 to 5 years.

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The Persistent Reader: That’s a very rude and selfish attitude you have toward your neighbor. Why can’t you be nice and let him know what he is up against?

The Despoliating Lutheran: Well, that would spoil the surprise.

The Persistent Reader: You got to change your evil ways … baaa-by. This can’t go on. Lord knows you got to change … baa-by.

The Despoliating Lutheran: Is that you, Jackie?

The Persistent Reader: I’m not saying. Now, please, spend the rest of your life being nice to people.

The Despoliating Lutheran: Oh, OK.

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A recent trip to the doctor’s office showed me this emergency kit.

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Ha! My failing health is in the hands of the person who holds the key to this emergency kit.

I’ll unlock this only if you quit smoking.

Florida healthcare holds all the cards.

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Them two fellers was singin’ “What The World Needs Now”. Sammy sings himself into a frenzy while Tom dodges women’s unmentionables.

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Werthers is the Lawrence Welk of hard candies.

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Carl is four-for-four with the ‘stink eye’. Consistency matters to a cat.

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Who comes up with the idea of branching out from crayons and art supplies into the medical field?

Sir, children have been known to injure themselves while coloring pretty, pretty flowers. These bandaids will save lives!”

“Bwa-ha-ha! We’ll corner the market on clumsy kids!”

“Or we could just make our crayons safer.”

“Shut up, Johnson.”

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