the daily the cardiologist and the mountain dew, 9-13-21

Jeremiah 17:9-10

“The heart is hopelessly dark and deceitful,
a puzzle that no one can figure out.
But I, God, search the heart
and examine the mind.
I get to the heart of the human.
I get to the root of things.
I treat them as they really are,
not as they pretend to be.”

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How early did we arrive for my heart stress test? Early enough to avoid yippy-yappy early morning news shows. That means we are off to a good start.

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It begins with a portal attached to my blood tubes.

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The nurse holds a package of the liquids she will inject into me.

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Enter radiated goo to course through my circulatory system. Bzz!

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Afterwards I am sent to have a woman who uses an ultrasound to probe my heart. There’s my heart! As you can plainly see I have a heartbeat. Still.

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Many rooms here have these warning signs.

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“Radiation Services, INC.” Is it a company which just prints these signs or are they involved with the darker side of medicine?

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I wait patiently for my next test.

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My nurses injects me with Mountain Dew. Yee-haw! Go, git’em, heart! This liquid enlarges my arteries. It replicates what happens when patients use a treadmill for a stress test. I simulated walking on a treadmill by sitting On. My Bntt. I love advances in medicine.

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It is time to remove my cardiac nipples.

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It is the end. Nurse bandages me up. My right eye is cool and calm but my other eye is frantic about something. What was the big deal? I don’t recall but it was Time. To. Go.

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