Sometimes The Purging Lutheran comes across an item in the impulse baskets at checkout I cannot resist buying. What’s not to love about Wippity Wipes? They ‘wipe like a towel’, ‘dry like a chamois’ and ‘absorb like a sponge’. Let’s see the U. S. Constitution* do that. But above all, who can turn their eyes away from its trademarked slogan?
IT’S LIKE THE SPILL NEVER HAPPENED!
And the name ‘Wippity Wipes’? The name itself suggest ‘quick and efficient’. Who in America does not want their product to be quick and efficient? Nobody, that’s who**.
So, I bought this years ago but never wanted to open it for fear I’d never find another one. If I was asked to add an item to a ‘time capsule’ for future generations to understand what life was like back in post-modern America, Wippity Wipes probably wouldn’t make it in there but would certainly be one of my top five or six options. Frankly, I think I’d include in a time capsule the compact disc version of Jethro Tull’s Aqualung album. In a roundabout way it helped lead me toward a life with Christ but here and now is not the place to explain why or how.
My Sweet Rib says she would include an Alexa, that little machine you have on your kitchen counter which records your shopping list items. Plus it listens to your private conversations and sends the ‘saucy bits’ to Amazon’s Department of Blackmail.
Wippity Wipes also has the cutest spokestowel ever. I’m convinced they hired Pokemon’s Pikachu as its spokeswipe. Don’t believe me? Look at these two pictures:
Don’t tell me you don’t see the resemblance between Wippy and Detective Pikachu and regular Pikachu. I guess even the most popular Pokemon characters need to do some outside work to pay the bills.
I’m not crazy about opening this package of Wippity Wipes but I cannot keep living in the past, holding silly things near and dear to me. Grow up, TPL, grow up!
“You shall have no other gods before me.
*before you go all “He’s a commie for writing that!”, I am a yuge fan of The Constitution. Just saying the Constitution would make a poor kitchen towel.
**this includes you