[WARNING: Do NOT make efforts to contact the dead. No good will come of it]
The Purging Lutheran recently stumbled upon the deceased Melville Bissell, founder of Bissell Inc., maker of fine homecleaning products. I offered him the opportunity to say what was on his mind after having died in 1889.
TPL: Mr. Bissell, speak your peace.
Melville: Thank you, Janis Q. (( ahem )) Ready? OK. Here goes:
“With just the push of a button, BISSELL® SpotBot® Pet delivers hands-free spot and stain removal on carpets and area rugs.”
TPL: Uh, thank you, Mr. Bissell. Please continue resting.
Alright, there you have it. And I agree completely with Mr. B. The SpotBot does make cleaning peepee spots a breeze. But as with all men and machinery, time and toil take their toll. Knees, joints, parts and seals wear thin and nothing can stop the end from its onslaught. Jimi Hendrix, sing our way out of this purge:
“our machine has done its work
played its part well
without a scratch on our bodies
and we bid it farewell”
TPL: Thank you, Jimi.
When people tell you, “Try out the fortunetellers.
Consult the spiritualists.
Why not tap into the spirit-world,
get in touch with the dead?”
Tell them, “No, we’re going to study the Scriptures.”
People who try the other ways get nowhere—a dead end!
Frustrated and famished,
they try one thing after another.
When nothing works out they get angry,
cursing first this god and then that one,
Looking this way and that,
up, down, and sideways—and seeing nothing,
A blank wall, an empty hole.
They end up in the dark with nothing.