the daily purge 4-25-17


It’s a ‘booty enhanced’ television (far vision machine) My Sweet Rib and her The Purging Lutheran bought long ago. Why is it even in our basement? The main reason is finding anyone who will come and pick it up for free. Even the poorest Americans have wide-screen high-definition televisions hooked up to the boys at Comcast. As it turns out two Harvard professors recently discovered a second copy of The Declaration of Independence, and in it declared cable television as an inalienable right for every person in our united states.

Q: How would Thomas Jefferson know about cable?

A: Among many of Ben Franklin’s other inventions such as bi-focal glasses, the urinary catheter, the glass harmonica and the electric bill, he also converted one of his own self-named stoves into a time machine. He crammed Jefferson inside, rolled it down a steep hill and when it reached 88 miles per hour it and having accumulated enough static electricity, the stove exploded into the future thus changing the past forever.

Genesis 4:19-22

Lamech married two women, one named Adah and the other Zillah. Adah gave birth to Jabal; he was the father of those who live in tents and raise livestock. His brother’s name was Jubal; he was the father of all who play stringed instruments and pipes. Zillah also had a son, Tubal-Cain, who forged all kinds of tools out of bronze and iron…


3 thoughts on “the daily purge 4-25-17

    1. Dear Puzzled Reader,
      Please ignore the previous response from our editorial department. That person has been fired and is now homeless. Thank you for helping us smoke him out.
      I understand your confusion trying to find any parallels between a big-butted TV and stringed instruments of Old Testament times. Our theology department is working furiously on your question and will respond to you as soon as possible.
      Sincerely, The Board of Directors


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