Ah, Talking Battleship. What fun! The electronics keeps the other guy (and you) from cheating. When you play a move and you miss the other team’s boat the game aloudly proclaims, “MISS!”. If your opponent makes a play and lands on the same coordinates as one of your gunships, the game shouts, “HIT!”. If you make enough hits on your opponent’s warship the game announces in a monotone voice, “BATTLESHIP SUNK!”. The Lad and his father, The Purging Lutheran, used to play this game. And who usually won? Let’s just say I was never born to be an admiral. We used to play until he dropped the game getting it out of the closet. It didn’t look broken but when played it started saying all sorts of weird things. My side would sound like an old Jewish lady with complaints such as,
“You nevah call your mothuh”
“Oh, dat’s OK, don’t bothuh changing the light bulb. I’ll just read in the dawk”
“I read in Readuh’s Digest that 95% of mothuhs die alone at the bottom of the stairs, but you go ahead and go home and be with the people you really love“.
His side started quoting lines from the movie Office Space:
“The thing is, Bob, it’s not that I’m lazy, it’s that I just don’t care”
“I believe you have my stapler”
“I can’t believe what a bunch of nerds we are. We’re looking up “money laundering” in a dictionary”
“The ratio of people to cake is too big”
Oh, it was funny in the beginning but then My Sweet Rib got all angered up when The Lad and I kept reciting these lines and threw the game out in the trash.
Deuteronomy 20:1-4 When you go to war against your enemy and see horses and chariots and soldiers far outnumbering you, do not recoil in fear of them; God, your God, who brought you up out of Egypt is with you. When the battle is about to begin, let the priest come forward and speak to the troops. He’ll say, “Attention, Israel. In a few minutes you’re going to do battle with your enemies. Don’t waver in resolve. Don’t fear. Don’t hesitate. Don’t panic. God, your God, is right there with you, fighting with you against your enemies, fighting to win.”